For the first time in several years, I'm actually not excited to see this year leave. It's actually been a good year! It's been a hard year with a lot of changes, but it's really been a great year despite the challenges.
The first and most obvious change- and yes, the most challenging and wonderful as well- has been the birth of my son. My amazing, intelligent, strong, happy, beautiful baby boy. I cannot express the love I feel for him. I would do anything for him... anything. I'm actually terrified to have another because I just don't see how I could ever love another human being as much as I love Cameron. Another child should simply not have to live in his shadow. Now, rest assured, there will be future Sam children. I know that your ability to love grows with the birth of each child, but my fears, ridiculous as they may be, are there and are real. The only thing that will completely cure me, I believe, will be experiencing this kind of love again for another child.
The second big change, also obvious if you've been keeping a tabs on me (LOL), is our move to Utah. This was a very difficult decision and has brought us many new challenges and made it that much more complicated to adjust to our roles as new parents, but we've found many blessing awaiting us here and have not regretted it for a moment.
Moving away from our families in Georgia meant, among other things, no free grandma daycare. It meant Phirun having to leave his job and transfer schools. So instead of Grammy Daycare, we've had Daddy Daycare. I'm so proud of my husband for willingly accepting this role. Only a true man could do as he has done. This time with our son has bred a confidence in his parenting abilities that could have only been gained in this way. Phirun will be returning to school next month (thank goodness) and returning to the work force as soon as possible. Though this arrangement has been great and we have no regrets, I would like to go to working part time so I can be a better Mother and he would like to be the one earning the bread. Hopefully 2011 will bring us both those abilities. Number one priority is getting Phirun through school though so that may mean we remain in our current roles for another year and that's ok.
Teaching in Utah has also been a challenge. Why? Because it's easy. Honestly though, that's part of it. I'm used to teaching students of a very different demographic. A reality of teaching is that you must adjust your teaching style according to the parenting style of the culture of your students. For me this meant that all the sudden, I didn't have to be mean! The icky sweet teacher voice that you may think of when you think of elementary school, and especially Kindergarten teachers, would be viewed as weakness by my former students and they would have walked all over me. I was very firm- mean even- but I was also very loving. My students knew that loved them despite and because of how strict I was. Here on the other hand, the students interpreted my "strictness" simply as meanness. I had to figure out how to soften without loosing control. Easier said than done. I've finally found an acceptable balance though I'm still not completely satisfied, but it gets better every week. I did fantastic on my administrator evaluations though! I needed that boost in confidence. I will continue to make the changes needed to improve as a teacher, and next year will be even better!
One of the unexpected changes that we have been surprised with, has been presence of a strong LDS Cambodian population. One of the 4 Cambodian branches in the country is only 30 minutes away from us. We decided to go "try it out" and felt instant comfort and fellowship. I was shortly called to be Primary President and Phirun was called to be in the Elder's Quorum Presidency. These callings have been a great blessing, and so have the people we have the pleasure of calling friends. The lack of immediate family here has been missed, but we've been so grateful for a great ward family that has swooped in to help fill the gaps.
All in all, 2010 was a great year! 2011, you have big shoes to fill!!!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
My husband asked me earlier if I was keeping up with my blog, to which I replied "No," said with a great deal of attitude. Why did he care? Then he said that it was important because I was chronicling the life of our son (my words, not his). Ok, ok, you're right.... (guilty feeling)
So Cameron will be 7 months old in a matter of hours. I can't believe how much he has changed me. My life truly is no longer my own and I couldn't be happier about it. During the daytime, that is.
Rolling over at 3 days (yes, days) really has set the tone for his development. He was able to go from laying down to sitting up completely independently by the beginning of September (5 months) and he was standing up on furniture before he reached 6 months. He became a proficient crawler while we were visiting family in GA about 2 weeks ago, though he's been "kinda crawling" for a good month. He just didn't really have the motivation until he saw Grandma Dye's dog. "Oh yeah! Doggy! Gotta get the doggy!" We went to Time Out for Women while we were in Atlanta (an enormous church women's retreat) and he enjoyed showing up babies months older than himself with his crawling and bouncing. By the second day he realized that he was fast enough to steal toys from the other babies, and they couldn't even compete! haha! Lil' stinker! Right now he's quite focused on developing the remainder of the skills for walking. He is standing up on furniture, and anything else he can get his hands on. The kicker is that he can stand without the help of furniture, he just hasn't realized it yet because he always has something to grab to as soon as he's up. So I'm predicting first steps within a month and a half and proficient walking by Christmas. My life will either get much easier at that point, or harder. Let's hope that learning to walk relives a lot of frustration therefore making life easier!
In general, Cameron is a very good, very happy baby. His one pitfall is that he does not like to SLEEP! Not during the daytime, and not at night! He fights sleep like a monster. He is so terrified of missing anything. He wakes himself up before he's ready and then spends the next few hours being fussy and then has an even harder time winding down to go to sleep the next time. It's a source of constant frustration and I wish I knew what to do. I've been tempted to try the cry it out method, and I still may turn that way, but that requires full paternal support as well as full dedication on my part and I'm just not convinced that it's the best option. I don't mind letting him cry for 10 minutes or so on the nights (or days) when he's being particularly stubborn, but in general letting him cry for long periods of time just doesn't seem like a great idea. And it doesn't work for particularly stubborn babies- I'm pretty sure Cameron's as stubborn as they come. He screamed all the way from Sandy Springs to Buford in the car last week and did not settle down till we got out of the car walked around, got back in the car, and distracted him with french fries. He fell asleep fry-in-hand. I just don't see the cry it out method doing anything except maybe making me less sensitive to his cries. If it were really hard to keep him asleep at night, I might feel different, but a boob in the mouth does the trick really well. If we had a bigger bed I would just keep him in bed and let him nurse as needed every night and life would be a piece of cake. But, as much as I enjoy snuggling with my baby, I equally enjoy my sleep time that's unencumbered by baby. I feel like I can sleeper deeper and more comfortably with Cameron in his own bed. Basically what it comes down to is that I need my personal sleeping space and so does Cameron, but we also both need the most amount of sleep possible. So we do what it takes to get both.
So Cameron will be 7 months old in a matter of hours. I can't believe how much he has changed me. My life truly is no longer my own and I couldn't be happier about it. During the daytime, that is.
Rolling over at 3 days (yes, days) really has set the tone for his development. He was able to go from laying down to sitting up completely independently by the beginning of September (5 months) and he was standing up on furniture before he reached 6 months. He became a proficient crawler while we were visiting family in GA about 2 weeks ago, though he's been "kinda crawling" for a good month. He just didn't really have the motivation until he saw Grandma Dye's dog. "Oh yeah! Doggy! Gotta get the doggy!" We went to Time Out for Women while we were in Atlanta (an enormous church women's retreat) and he enjoyed showing up babies months older than himself with his crawling and bouncing. By the second day he realized that he was fast enough to steal toys from the other babies, and they couldn't even compete! haha! Lil' stinker! Right now he's quite focused on developing the remainder of the skills for walking. He is standing up on furniture, and anything else he can get his hands on. The kicker is that he can stand without the help of furniture, he just hasn't realized it yet because he always has something to grab to as soon as he's up. So I'm predicting first steps within a month and a half and proficient walking by Christmas. My life will either get much easier at that point, or harder. Let's hope that learning to walk relives a lot of frustration therefore making life easier!
In general, Cameron is a very good, very happy baby. His one pitfall is that he does not like to SLEEP! Not during the daytime, and not at night! He fights sleep like a monster. He is so terrified of missing anything. He wakes himself up before he's ready and then spends the next few hours being fussy and then has an even harder time winding down to go to sleep the next time. It's a source of constant frustration and I wish I knew what to do. I've been tempted to try the cry it out method, and I still may turn that way, but that requires full paternal support as well as full dedication on my part and I'm just not convinced that it's the best option. I don't mind letting him cry for 10 minutes or so on the nights (or days) when he's being particularly stubborn, but in general letting him cry for long periods of time just doesn't seem like a great idea. And it doesn't work for particularly stubborn babies- I'm pretty sure Cameron's as stubborn as they come. He screamed all the way from Sandy Springs to Buford in the car last week and did not settle down till we got out of the car walked around, got back in the car, and distracted him with french fries. He fell asleep fry-in-hand. I just don't see the cry it out method doing anything except maybe making me less sensitive to his cries. If it were really hard to keep him asleep at night, I might feel different, but a boob in the mouth does the trick really well. If we had a bigger bed I would just keep him in bed and let him nurse as needed every night and life would be a piece of cake. But, as much as I enjoy snuggling with my baby, I equally enjoy my sleep time that's unencumbered by baby. I feel like I can sleeper deeper and more comfortably with Cameron in his own bed. Basically what it comes down to is that I need my personal sleeping space and so does Cameron, but we also both need the most amount of sleep possible. So we do what it takes to get both.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Confessions of a lazy mother...
As a new mother the only thing more precious to me than sleep is my little one. Sleep is SOOO important, and every new mother is lacking it.
So my solution to this age old problem the past 2 months has been to place my baby in his bed at night and go to my own shortly thereafter. When he wakes again in need of food or comfort, I tend to his needs by pulling him into bed with me and nursing him if necessary. Then, in theory, I return him back to his bed when his needs are met. The second part of this does not always happen because I am rarely awake when his needs are met and he's ready to be returned to the bed. If it's just the two of us in the bed, I can just move myself or him into a position where I'm more comfortable. With my husband in the bed, it gets a little more tricky cause there's not as much room to play with. I know, you're thinking, why isn't your husband always in bed with you. Well, I was on vacation the past two weeks so Cameron and I quickly became accustomed to having the bed to ourselves. Anyway, the point is, we're still in survival mode when it comes to sleep.
So, for the most part, this has been going ok. Both of our needs for sleep are being met. But he's gone from waking up briefly 2 or 3 times and only needing to nurse for a few minutes, to nursing what seems like half the night. I know, give him a paci dummy- Oh what I wouldn't give for a paci loving baby! He'll take it sometimes-for a minute. But unless I'm holding him against my chest where the paci won't fall out, we both just get frustrated by about the fifth time I have to put it back in his mouth... I know, try a different kind. Can I tell you how many different kinds we have tried? Anyone know of a safe way to keep it from falling out 100 times?
Anyway, I'm sore... and tired... and frustrated. And the worst is that I know I could solve this problem with a little more patience, but I don't have any at night. I think I use it all up during the day. I really am just too lazy to get up out of bed, tend to his needs fully awake, and then put him back in bed.
Anyway, thanks for reading my rant. If anyone has any constructive advice- that doesn't involve letting my child scream- I really am open for suggestions.
So my solution to this age old problem the past 2 months has been to place my baby in his bed at night and go to my own shortly thereafter. When he wakes again in need of food or comfort, I tend to his needs by pulling him into bed with me and nursing him if necessary. Then, in theory, I return him back to his bed when his needs are met. The second part of this does not always happen because I am rarely awake when his needs are met and he's ready to be returned to the bed. If it's just the two of us in the bed, I can just move myself or him into a position where I'm more comfortable. With my husband in the bed, it gets a little more tricky cause there's not as much room to play with. I know, you're thinking, why isn't your husband always in bed with you. Well, I was on vacation the past two weeks so Cameron and I quickly became accustomed to having the bed to ourselves. Anyway, the point is, we're still in survival mode when it comes to sleep.
So, for the most part, this has been going ok. Both of our needs for sleep are being met. But he's gone from waking up briefly 2 or 3 times and only needing to nurse for a few minutes, to nursing what seems like half the night. I know, give him a paci dummy- Oh what I wouldn't give for a paci loving baby! He'll take it sometimes-for a minute. But unless I'm holding him against my chest where the paci won't fall out, we both just get frustrated by about the fifth time I have to put it back in his mouth... I know, try a different kind. Can I tell you how many different kinds we have tried? Anyone know of a safe way to keep it from falling out 100 times?
Anyway, I'm sore... and tired... and frustrated. And the worst is that I know I could solve this problem with a little more patience, but I don't have any at night. I think I use it all up during the day. I really am just too lazy to get up out of bed, tend to his needs fully awake, and then put him back in bed.
Anyway, thanks for reading my rant. If anyone has any constructive advice- that doesn't involve letting my child scream- I really am open for suggestions.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Chattin It Up
Cameron and I were having a great conversation... then I pulled out the camera. Apparently what he was saying was confidential cause he did not want it documented!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Shake, Rattle, and Roll
My baby reached a new and exciting milestone today! I held the rattle in front of him, he reached for it, grabbed it, and shook it around. Right now we're visiting family in Utah. Cameron's meeting his great-grandparents. So I made sure to make a video so his daddy can see.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Our Journey- Childbirth
I realized that the 3 months of my sons life have just FLOWN on by, and I need a better way to document his life- and mine. So, we'll give this a try.
I'll start at the beginning...
My pregnancy was great! A little heartburn... that wasn't so fun. But as long as I reminded myself that my baby was gonna have a lot of hair, it didn't seem so bad. I just had to keep tums on me at all times. (It was worth it, by the way, cause this kid has more hair than most toddlers) I'm also not real thrilled with the stretch marks left behind now. Good battle scars I suppose? Actually, the worst part was the smell! I could not STAND my own stench! Women complain about the smell of such and such bothering them, but mostly things that can be avoided at least to some extent. But there's no escaping yourself!
I was not really concerned about labor. Women have been doing this whole pregnancy, labor, child-rearing this since Eve. It's the most natural thing in the world! I am also an honest believer that it is us, allowing our fears to control us, that cause our own failures. I felt as prepared as possible, and most importantly, I trusted my body to do what it was made to do.
I had it all planned. Baby was due April 9th, but my body and baby were ready to go. I knew I wasn't going to last till my due date, and that was fine. As long as I could wait until the Friday before. That would put me at exactly 39 weeks. I would be out just in time for spring break. Perfect!
So, I went in for what I knew would be my last prenatal appointment on Wednesday, March 31st. When it was time for me to be checked, I politely declined, having the strong impression that that would be the end for me, and I needed to wait 2 more days. Sure enough, contractions began within 5 minutes of my leaving the doctor's office. I guess it's true what they say- man plans, God laughs.
My husband and I went on our last baby-free date shortly after getting home from the doctor's, and I spent the rest of the evening sleeping- still in hopes of the contractions stopping for a couple more days. When I woke up at midnight, I was feeling pretty good. So I decided to hard-boil a TON of eggs for my kids to dye at school the next day. Then I went back to bed and slept until I couldn't stand it any longer. At 6AM I called into work saying that I didn't know if I was actually going to have the baby that day, but I was probably in too much pain to come to work. I wasn't so worried about myself, actually. I just didn't want my kids to be traumatized watching me have contractions. Or heaven forbid my water break in front of them!
Sometime between 6 and 7, my contractions dropped from every 10 minutes (where they'd been since they started) to being every 6 minutes. I decided I should probably finally pack my bag, something I just had not yet found the motivation to do. I called the doctor, woke up my husband, ate some breakfast... took my time. I didn't want to get to the hospital too early. At least at home I could shower and eat, and I was going to take advantage of those privileges for as long as possible!
So they didn't have a room available for me yet. So I was in the triage room for several hours. I was actually afraid they were going to send me home when I first got there. Then my fabulous midwife arrived! She was actually not there for me, funny enough. She was there checking on another patient and one of the nurses nonchalantly asked if I was one of her patients. THANK GOODNESS! I was so afraid I was going to get another doctor that I did not particularly care for since he was the one on call that morning. I felt so much better once I saw her.
Anyway, I really had an ideal labor from there. My water broke after a couple hours of walking around, resting, and repeat. So they finally admitted me. They got me into my room, gave me the epidural, and an hour later I was a mom! It went real fast. Cameron was born at 3:34pm and weighed 7 lbs 1 oz.
They laid him on my belly so I could see and touch him while they cleaned him. My first though was just how small he was- profound, I know. But you're too overwhelmed in that moment to anything very interesting.
After that, I kind of went into a daze caused by extreme overload. I had the nurses at my right taking care of the baby, the midwives at the foot of the bed taking care of me, my mom to my left sending out the news, and my husband kind of everywhere doing everything (making calls, watching the baby, ect.) It took extreme concentration to focus on ANYTHING. I felt like I emotionally needed to be everywhere, and since I couldn't be everywhere, I was nowhere instead. The nurses told me stuff that I guess they expected me to remember. I just nodded and did my best to listen but I probably didn't catch half of what they said.
The rest of the day was spent cuddling and showing off my baby. I probably should have been tired after all that, but I was on a happiness high. I had a perfect, precious little boy
!
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