For the first time in several years, I'm actually not excited to see this year leave. It's actually been a good year! It's been a hard year with a lot of changes, but it's really been a great year despite the challenges.
The first and most obvious change- and yes, the most challenging and wonderful as well- has been the birth of my son. My amazing, intelligent, strong, happy, beautiful baby boy. I cannot express the love I feel for him. I would do anything for him... anything. I'm actually terrified to have another because I just don't see how I could ever love another human being as much as I love Cameron. Another child should simply not have to live in his shadow. Now, rest assured, there will be future Sam children. I know that your ability to love grows with the birth of each child, but my fears, ridiculous as they may be, are there and are real. The only thing that will completely cure me, I believe, will be experiencing this kind of love again for another child.
The second big change, also obvious if you've been keeping a tabs on me (LOL), is our move to Utah. This was a very difficult decision and has brought us many new challenges and made it that much more complicated to adjust to our roles as new parents, but we've found many blessing awaiting us here and have not regretted it for a moment.
Moving away from our families in Georgia meant, among other things, no free grandma daycare. It meant Phirun having to leave his job and transfer schools. So instead of Grammy Daycare, we've had Daddy Daycare. I'm so proud of my husband for willingly accepting this role. Only a true man could do as he has done. This time with our son has bred a confidence in his parenting abilities that could have only been gained in this way. Phirun will be returning to school next month (thank goodness) and returning to the work force as soon as possible. Though this arrangement has been great and we have no regrets, I would like to go to working part time so I can be a better Mother and he would like to be the one earning the bread. Hopefully 2011 will bring us both those abilities. Number one priority is getting Phirun through school though so that may mean we remain in our current roles for another year and that's ok.
Teaching in Utah has also been a challenge. Why? Because it's easy. Honestly though, that's part of it. I'm used to teaching students of a very different demographic. A reality of teaching is that you must adjust your teaching style according to the parenting style of the culture of your students. For me this meant that all the sudden, I didn't have to be mean! The icky sweet teacher voice that you may think of when you think of elementary school, and especially Kindergarten teachers, would be viewed as weakness by my former students and they would have walked all over me. I was very firm- mean even- but I was also very loving. My students knew that loved them despite and because of how strict I was. Here on the other hand, the students interpreted my "strictness" simply as meanness. I had to figure out how to soften without loosing control. Easier said than done. I've finally found an acceptable balance though I'm still not completely satisfied, but it gets better every week. I did fantastic on my administrator evaluations though! I needed that boost in confidence. I will continue to make the changes needed to improve as a teacher, and next year will be even better!
One of the unexpected changes that we have been surprised with, has been presence of a strong LDS Cambodian population. One of the 4 Cambodian branches in the country is only 30 minutes away from us. We decided to go "try it out" and felt instant comfort and fellowship. I was shortly called to be Primary President and Phirun was called to be in the Elder's Quorum Presidency. These callings have been a great blessing, and so have the people we have the pleasure of calling friends. The lack of immediate family here has been missed, but we've been so grateful for a great ward family that has swooped in to help fill the gaps.
All in all, 2010 was a great year! 2011, you have big shoes to fill!!!
First of all, great post! I love reading about your life there.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I totally understand your concerns about having another child. I had forgotten all about feeling that way, but your post brought it all back to me. I really believed it wasn't possible to have with another child what I had with Harley, and I was right. It would also be impossible to have with another child what I have with Miriam. My love for her is the exact same in its intensity, but totally different in terms of how I relate to her. She is a challenge and a joy, just like and totally different from her brother.
Your post also made me wonder what it would be like to try to go to a "normal" school/class now. How do you go from a class of 8 kids who call you a ()^&*%*^(&*(&%^*%&$&^(*()()&%^$%#$$%^$^&(&*&*(&*(^^&%$#####&**)&()()((&*T^^%^&%^&%&^&%$^%^&&%^$%^$%%$%W@#!!^#%&!#$^&*(&*^&$%^@
or else are trying to stab you - but that also totally love/adore/worship you - to a group of general education kids? Yuck! I don't think I could do it now. (Yes, I'm aware of the fact that there is probably something broken in me. As I tell my kids about "our school" all the time: You've got to be "special" to even walk through the doors.) I would have no idea how to relate and appropriately respond to a general ed class now. I can live with that! :-)
Oh good... someone actually read what I wrote. You try to convince yourself that it doesn't matter. That writing for yourself is enough. But it really is nice to have your writing acknowledged and validated.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you love your job so much and so glad you're doing exactly what you'd hoped to do. Those kids are so lucky to have such a wonderful and dedicated teacher.Someday I'll be able to do the same, but to be truthful, I really need to get my ESL endorsement to do that and now is just not the time in my life to go back to school. I'll get there though. Plenty of time!